I really do love the rain. There's just something majestic about the way is streams from the skies above to replenish the earth below. But enough with the poetry, I'm sure none of you are interested in reading that.
Things are going alright. I've been going to the gym on a daily basis. I can't use most of the machines, but I can walk on a treadmill and peddle a stationary bike without hurting myself. So I've been spending an hour or so at the gym everyday working out and it feels really good. I'm started losing some of the weight I had put on before and after the surgery and my endorphin's are pumping and really helping me beat the depression that has been weighing me down for so long.
School has also started, so I'm finally feeling like I'm almost back in the flow of everything, with the exception, of course, of work. It's good to at least be doing something, but it can get a bit rough. Driving is ridiculously uncomfortable, standing for any long period of time gets painful, and moving the wrong way can still make my face turn ashen.
Even so, I've got a lot going for me, and things with David are going well. Communication is truly the key. And laughter, lots of laughter. I hope everyone out there is doing well. And hey, if you dig up some free time, give me a call and we can meet for a drink and catch up a little.
Miss you all.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Seriously? No, really...
So...I thought things were shitty before.
Turns out, things COULD get worse.
Monday I get a call from my Workman's Comp caseworker because she just realized that very day that my temporary disability was going to be discontinued. There's a law that just changed this month that they could only pay out temporary disability on an injury for two years from the date of the first check. There may have been a gap between the original accident and the relapse of my injury, but that doesn't matter. The first check was technically 2 years ago at the beginning of January, so even though the law has been rewritten to 5 years, my case falls under old jurisdiction and my temporary disability benefits have ended.
She didn't even realize this until she was preparing my check, so she called me and now I have to fill out the paperwork through the EDD (Employment Development Department to try to get some kind of financing throughout this ordeal. It looks like it shouldn't be a problem, but I have to fill out a million pages of paperwork, get new notices from my Orthopedist, mail it out, and then it will still take at least 2 weeks from them to process the forms. All of this time without me receiving any kind of income.
ON TOP OF THAT, my backup plan fell through. I was okay with this whole canceling my money thing because I knew I would have my financial aid coming in this week and even though I got screwed this semester financial aid-wise (thank you o glorious state of california) it would still be enough to help cover me while the paperwork for the EDD got processed so I would technically be okay. Well guess what, they're having trouble processing my financial aid and they aren't sure when it will be coming through and deposited to my account. They said they may know something by the end of the month.
So in the meantime I'm fucking broke, have bill to be paid, have to pull 144 dollars out of my ass to pay for a campus parking permit, and I'm ready to pull my hair out. I get my last check coming this tomorrow, but it wont be the full amount and and I'm not sure how much it will cover, or even if I can pay David the rest of the rent for this month.
And what's really fucking shitty was I may not be able to afford David's birthday present now. And that's really fucking pissing me off.
So, between crying, pulling my hair out, and wanting to throw things, its been a pretty fucking craptastic week.
But I have managed to lose 2 lbs. Oh fucking joy. Yay for being able to walk on a treadmill without messing up my already fucked up shoulder.
Seriously, life...cut me a damn break, eh?
Turns out, things COULD get worse.
Monday I get a call from my Workman's Comp caseworker because she just realized that very day that my temporary disability was going to be discontinued. There's a law that just changed this month that they could only pay out temporary disability on an injury for two years from the date of the first check. There may have been a gap between the original accident and the relapse of my injury, but that doesn't matter. The first check was technically 2 years ago at the beginning of January, so even though the law has been rewritten to 5 years, my case falls under old jurisdiction and my temporary disability benefits have ended.
She didn't even realize this until she was preparing my check, so she called me and now I have to fill out the paperwork through the EDD (Employment Development Department to try to get some kind of financing throughout this ordeal. It looks like it shouldn't be a problem, but I have to fill out a million pages of paperwork, get new notices from my Orthopedist, mail it out, and then it will still take at least 2 weeks from them to process the forms. All of this time without me receiving any kind of income.
ON TOP OF THAT, my backup plan fell through. I was okay with this whole canceling my money thing because I knew I would have my financial aid coming in this week and even though I got screwed this semester financial aid-wise (thank you o glorious state of california) it would still be enough to help cover me while the paperwork for the EDD got processed so I would technically be okay. Well guess what, they're having trouble processing my financial aid and they aren't sure when it will be coming through and deposited to my account. They said they may know something by the end of the month.
So in the meantime I'm fucking broke, have bill to be paid, have to pull 144 dollars out of my ass to pay for a campus parking permit, and I'm ready to pull my hair out. I get my last check coming this tomorrow, but it wont be the full amount and and I'm not sure how much it will cover, or even if I can pay David the rest of the rent for this month.
And what's really fucking shitty was I may not be able to afford David's birthday present now. And that's really fucking pissing me off.
So, between crying, pulling my hair out, and wanting to throw things, its been a pretty fucking craptastic week.
But I have managed to lose 2 lbs. Oh fucking joy. Yay for being able to walk on a treadmill without messing up my already fucked up shoulder.
Seriously, life...cut me a damn break, eh?
Monday, January 14, 2008
Fuck
What to do when your feelings have been trampled, everything seems to be blowing up in your face, other things are falling apart, and it all seems out of control.
I'm afraid of what's going on, what's going to happen and how to keep it all together.
And my fucking shoulder hurts like a bitch right now.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
I'm afraid of what's going on, what's going to happen and how to keep it all together.
And my fucking shoulder hurts like a bitch right now.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
Monday, January 7, 2008
How things are going...
All in all, things are holding together nicely, or at least mostly. My shoulder is slowly healing and it turns out I did really well last semester. I actually managed to pull 4.0 average even with my bad shoulder. So I am a bit proud of myself. I'm doing my very best to just told it all together.
Unfortunately, the recovery Is going to take a lot longer than I thought it would. I'm actually a bit frustrated by this but I figure I'll make the best of it. David, being the sweetheart that he is, actually got me the dictation program that is typing this out for me right now. It's actually kind of exciting because it has been very frustrating not being able to use both hands. Now I have the option of just being able to talk then having the program do the work for me. Maybe I'll finally take the time to finish one of those stories I started, and become the famous off their I always thought about being. Goodness knows I could certainly use the money and it would give me something to do in all this spare time.
Other than that my shoulder is killing me, my mood swings are crazy and my dog is suffering from only child syndrome. I really miss working right now. I'm always really happy to hear about work from David but at the same time it can be really hard. It's difficult to hear about how well things are going for everyone else, when I wish it could be me. Which is of course, a completely selfish mentality but it's hard to resist sometimes. The whole pity-party thing is really easy to fall into. Sometimes it's just a whole lot easier to fall into self pity.
I also really miss my friends, and while I know they're busy I really wish they could make more time for me sometimes. Again, a completely selfish request, but not always easy to resist. It seems really sad sometimes that my whole day can be brightened sometimes by just one person paying attention and reminding me I'm not forgotten but that's the truth. I feel pretty lost and lonely sometimes. I'm trying to find new hobbies. I even bought a whole bunch of scrapbooking supplies, but right now my heart just really isn't in it.
I feel bad because since my shoulder gave out I've gained weight. Which especially sucks, when you consider how hard I was working to lose weight before. So my self image is shot, my confidence has hit bottom, and my loneliness and paranoia are at an all-time high. To top it all off, I never got that kitty I wanted for Christmas.
Really, I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I really am working on it, but it's not always as easy as it looks. So here's to a new year in which I find a more positive outlook on life. I have people I love, and they love me in return. That's what matters. I'll continue getting good grades, working hard and recovering and soon I'll be back to work and hopefully among the friends I have come to cherish.
I truly hope that everyone finds the happiness they deserve. So here's to a great new year.
Love to you all,
Sio
Unfortunately, the recovery Is going to take a lot longer than I thought it would. I'm actually a bit frustrated by this but I figure I'll make the best of it. David, being the sweetheart that he is, actually got me the dictation program that is typing this out for me right now. It's actually kind of exciting because it has been very frustrating not being able to use both hands. Now I have the option of just being able to talk then having the program do the work for me. Maybe I'll finally take the time to finish one of those stories I started, and become the famous off their I always thought about being. Goodness knows I could certainly use the money and it would give me something to do in all this spare time.
Other than that my shoulder is killing me, my mood swings are crazy and my dog is suffering from only child syndrome. I really miss working right now. I'm always really happy to hear about work from David but at the same time it can be really hard. It's difficult to hear about how well things are going for everyone else, when I wish it could be me. Which is of course, a completely selfish mentality but it's hard to resist sometimes. The whole pity-party thing is really easy to fall into. Sometimes it's just a whole lot easier to fall into self pity.
I also really miss my friends, and while I know they're busy I really wish they could make more time for me sometimes. Again, a completely selfish request, but not always easy to resist. It seems really sad sometimes that my whole day can be brightened sometimes by just one person paying attention and reminding me I'm not forgotten but that's the truth. I feel pretty lost and lonely sometimes. I'm trying to find new hobbies. I even bought a whole bunch of scrapbooking supplies, but right now my heart just really isn't in it.
I feel bad because since my shoulder gave out I've gained weight. Which especially sucks, when you consider how hard I was working to lose weight before. So my self image is shot, my confidence has hit bottom, and my loneliness and paranoia are at an all-time high. To top it all off, I never got that kitty I wanted for Christmas.
Really, I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I really am working on it, but it's not always as easy as it looks. So here's to a new year in which I find a more positive outlook on life. I have people I love, and they love me in return. That's what matters. I'll continue getting good grades, working hard and recovering and soon I'll be back to work and hopefully among the friends I have come to cherish.
I truly hope that everyone finds the happiness they deserve. So here's to a great new year.
Love to you all,
Sio
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